3 Simple, Easy-to-Use Steps to Help Reinforce Good Behavior in Neurodivergent Children You Can Use Today
Navigating the four stages of the day—morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime—with a neurodivergent child can be complex. Each stage presents unique challenges, and without consistent tools, these stages can feel like a living nightmare for you, your family members, and your neurodivergent child.
These are things we weren’t aware of but now use every day to drive consistent, positive behaviour that we can acknowledge and reward.
1. Routines:
Routines are the savior in helping navigate each of the four stages. Through consistency, over time, your child can build the skills to independently apply themselves to each task and complete it without dysregulation. That is the goal, so let's start with routines.
Morning Routine: What is it? To you, as a parent, the linear process of doing one thing after another seems straightforward. However, for a neurodivergent child, these tasks can feel overwhelming.
Action Plan: Set out a detailed plan for each step, from when the alarm goes off in the morning, through school preparation and dinner, to bedtime. The more you can break down the steps, the easier it becomes for your child to understand and manage. This also allows clear transitions between tasks and sets behavior expectations.Morning Steps: Breakfast, washing, teeth brushing, getting dressed, bag, lunch, and drink. Have you checked if they have everything for school? Make sure they have the necessary school equipment.
After-School: How will they transition and unwind from the day? What tools or activities will help them unmask and relax? Set clear expectations for how long they should unwind and the activities that will follow.
Evening: What steps follow dinner, after-school activities, homework, household chores, and friend interactions? These should be structured in a predictable way.
Bedtime: Set a winding-down routine—non-stimulating activities, like reading or quiet play. Remember, screens should be avoided at least one hour before bed. Let the natural order of nighttime and melatonin prepare them for sleep. Steps include changing into pajamas, washing, brushing teeth, and settling into bed.
2. Micro-Focused Planning:
Executive dysfunction presents challenges like having to make multiple micro-decisions throughout the day, which can be exhausting for your child. For example, getting dressed involves decisions like: “Where are my underwear? What color socks should I wear? What pants? What top? What color top? What sequence do I put them on?” These decisions can overwhelm a neurodivergent child and result in distractions, leaving them doing something else instead of completing the task.
So, when you break down steps, keep these considerations in mind: The instructions need to be very clear, and each step should be manageable. It might feel overwhelming for you to micro-manage, but doing so will help reduce dysregulation and foster a positive routine. Over time, this will help your child build independent habits they can follow with less support.
3. Use Tools:
This phase is about testing and discovering what works best for your child, as every child is unique. The tools you use will help you better understand how your child functions in their environment and apply that knowledge to other areas, such as school, activities, and daily tasks.
a) Visual Aids:
Set up visual aids that break down steps into manageable actions. The simpler the steps, the better. Visual aids can be pictures placed around the home for each task, charts, or checklists to tick off when completed. You can also use a visual board where tasks move from "To Do" to "Completed." These tactile and visual reminders help your child understand what to do and when.
Example: A picture chart showing each part of the morning routine can be a useful guide for the child to follow independently.
b) Auditory Aids:
Use timers to signal the start and end of a task. Sounds can also be used to cue transitions between activities. You can experiment with this by recording your own voice to guide them through tasks or, better yet, have your child record the steps with countdowns. This makes the process more interactive and can keep them engaged.
Example: Set a timer for getting dressed, and use sound cues when transitioning from one task to the next.
c) Body Doubling:
Make tasks fun by doing them together! Body doubling means engaging in the same activity at the same time. You check in with your child at each step, helping them transition smoothly between tasks. This turns the process into a game, so they are building habits without even realizing it.
Final Thoughts:
Parenting a neurodivergent child involves many ups and downs. Getting the basics right—like building routines, reducing demands (tasks that neurotypical children often take for granted), and fostering life skills—will make things easier and lead to better outcomes in the long run. It requires effort, patience, understanding, and empathy.
By reducing cognitive load and giving clear, structured direction, you’re giving your child the best chance to thrive in an environment where they can feel understood and supported.
A Last Note: Be Kind to Yourself.
Caring for a neurodivergent child every day can be exhausting. Implementing tools and strategies on top of everything else you’re already managing can feel overwhelming, but remember: the more you do now, the better the long-term outcomes for you and your child. Take mini breaks throughout your day to recharge and focus on your well-being. This is vital for your mental health and your ability to stay calm, patient, and focused.
What Can You Do?
Identify the most demanding times of the day and create a few minutes to be mindful and reset.
Small moments of rest—whether through deep breathing or a short break—can help you recharge and maintain balance.
Conclusion:
By setting clear, consistent routines and focusing on positive reinforcement, you can create an environment where your neurodivergent child can thrive. Structure not only reduces confusion but sets the stage for effective behavior management, helping children learn what’s expected of them and how to succeed.